Monday, October 19, 2009

Bud, Boog and Peanut,

I can't believe I just talked to all three of you on the phone. Since you have been gone, I think about you all so much. I just got all your pictures hung on the walls of my new rental home. Which I hope to be in for a long time. The moving thing, really isn't my thing.

Bud, You just got over being sick and you told me you puked in school twice. That had to be hard. You read to me out of your books and when I interrupted you, you told me you were NOT DONE. Lol. So cute. You also told me the stuffed dog "Scooby" I got you was stolen. I am so sorry. That dog was bigger then you when you left here. I know how much you loved him. You asked me if he could have turned into a "real" dog. I am sorry I had to tell you no. I would have loved to let you have that dream. You also said you wanted to come see me. Which I wish you could too. You moving to another state just ripped my heart out. Like you said, Maybe at Christmas time when you come see your Dad, I hope I can see you then. And Then, you asked if I wanted to talk to Boogie. I said yes. I didn't know what else to say...

So Boogs, OMG (I hear that is your new favorite thing to say kiddo) You TALKED TO ME, When you left you didn't talk a lot and now we had a whole conversation. Your not even three yet and you are having a long conversation, yes, it blows my mind. You asked to talk to Grandma, I said she said hi and you said, "No She Didn't!". I am amazed that when you were with me and would talk to my Mom or "Grandma", or just listen mostly as was the case, that you remember that. Its just crazy to me. Then Mama asked me if I wanted to talk to Peanut or hear her say "hi" and of couse I said yes..

Peanut.. Your not even 2 yet and I am sure you don't remember me. But I remember you so much. And I can't believe how much I am missing. Your Mom got you to say "Hi" and it tickled me to no end.

Girls, I Miss you all so much and your Mama. I hope your all happy. xoxo, Love, Auntie Kandi

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Why Me?

My daughter just became from the sound of it, a very proud Mama to a new puppy. He is doing all the things pups do once they are adjusted to their new home. Its as though he has always been there.

The thing is, he isn't in good shape. Though my daughter isn't my bio kid, I could claim it and no one would question it. Though that is a post for another day. Today I want to talk about jobs God asks of us and we do them and sometimes don't even know why we are chosen or that its even God that has given us a particular job.

All my life, from as early as I can remember, very sick animals have been dumped on me, I have found them on the road side, in front of stores, in a dumpster once in Georgia (It was a Weimaraner
Weimaraner that was gold with green eyes. Nothing else wrong with her except she wasn't perfect! Her story had a happy ending). A lot of these babies weren't able to be saved even with the best vet care options. I was there to love them, try to save them and cry while they laid in my arms taking their last breath. I always asked God, "Why Me?". And as long as I have known my daughter, the same thing happens to her. God brought me to her and he brings us these babies in dire need. So today when she asked, "Why Me?" I told her that God trusts her with these babies and that was a good enough answer for her. I have finally after years of this stopped asking why me and embraced my role in these Blessed creatures lives. I Thank God that he trusts me with his precious cargo. So for me, Why Me? isn't asked any longer. One day she won't have to ask that any more either. xoxo.

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Wednesday, October 07, 2009

The Fear: I cannot recreate it.

I twittered recently for help in moving. God sent me Angels! I was terrified of the physical pain that I was sure to come from the drug users that were moving in next door, and I knew they would break in and rob me and hurt me. They were already bullying me out of my yard and treating me as if I were scum. I didn't like it. I felt fear all the time. Irrational or foresight I don't know. I have been known to "see" things that were coming or were happening as I was seeing them in my mind. I just knew I needed to get out of there.

I also had a fear of freezing to death as I almost died last winter due to lack of insulation in the house and my lack of night time mobility. That was a real fear. And I can sit here now, look in that house and see myself terrified as if I were a different person that I am watching on TV.

I know in my heart a lot of people Prayed for me as I Prayed for help and I Thank you all. Please don't stop. I want to share with every one that though that was a terrible time, I cannot recreate the fear by thinking about it even when I am trying to fall asleep. And for that, I will always remain grateful to whomever Prayed for me and to the Lord for helping me through such a scary time. Now when I fall asleep, my thoughts are not there. I try to think and use the skills I learned at that horrible house to help me sleep but I get about a second into it and I am already comfortable and just fall asleep. I wake warm and rested. I really love the new place, I do have a carpet that has been here for many years that I am having allergic reactions to and getting major headaches from though the landlord said he will replace it this week. So that is my biggest thing now. If you want to Pray he really changes it, that would be great. Again. thanks for all the support. A special shout out to Jason Younger for going out of his way and bringing me dinner one night when I was really hungry and couldn't get a nurse to help tend to me. Now for the first time I have 2 and they are doing pretty good. Could be better but I am not complaining much. Just enjoying life finally. Hope every one has a great Wednesday. xoxo

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Saturday, October 03, 2009

As a blogger, 1. how do you feel about lurkers? 2. As a reader, when and why do you lurk? 3. When and why do you delurk?

1. Here is the post that inspired me to do this post- For me, lurkers are always welcome. I really don't know if I can even figure out how to find out if I have lurkers, if someone could teach/tell me I would be forever grateful, today I tried to figure it out with no success.

I am a chronic lurker and love reading blogs. My hands hurt a lot when I first wake up before my first pain med's dose so I do a lot of reading then when its hard to type out a response.

I usually find my blogs I read by Prayer requests found in comments or posts of my current blogs I read. I can get through the blogs I read in less then an hour so I go blog hopping and Pray and read and sometimes I stay to see the story through with a hoped for success. The blogs I "Pray" for and read usually have happy endings which I love. Sometimes after the happy ending, I have gotten "attached" to the writer and family and I stick around to enjoy the good times though since I started reading blogs about 8 yrs ago I haven't had a lot of happy so it is just better to read and not comment for me 98% of the time.

3. I too delurk on delurk day. Birth announcements. And Prayer requests to let people know I am Praying for them. Also when I can relate to the post.

What about you? Answer in comments please, Delurk if you will so I know if I have any readers.

Heres the questions again.

As a blogger, 1. how do you feel about lurkers? 2. As a reader, when and why do you lurk? 3. When and why do you delurk?