Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Trimee Please (full name, I gave him)

Oh buddy how I miss you. A friend of mine has asked if I have lost a fur family member and though I have lost too many over the years that tear my heart out I have chosen you to write about because your date of passing (May 20-I thought march but I do know better darling) struck my heart a mos before it even got here. I was watching that calender like a hawk. I don't know why a date makes it worse, but it transported me to that fateful day that the person who opened the door without attaching your lead, therefore leading to your death just goes through my mind over and over on the 20th. It rips my heart out as if it were that day. It sometimes seems clearer then even that day was if that is even possible. Please if you can, visit me in my dreams. I would love that.

I remember the first time I walked past you in your yard. No fur on half (the lower half) of your body. A dog house outside that I later found out you never used even during the winter when it snowed you silly little man. The pit bull that every one said would kill me upon my touching you which even that day I longed to do. It wasn't until a few weeks later that murmurs of the animal control being at your house got to me a block away from you where I lived. I had to get to you. I had to save you from them. Thankfully that day they didn't take you. Word had it your parents were moving so I went to your porch and read the note they left, we fed your dog and watered him, him being without food and water is unacceptable please feed water or Remove your dog or we will be taking him tomorrow. Well, your owners didn't get it and the next day AC came back to get you. I was there. I ran up to you and this little kitten that was near you. I figured you had a heart since the kitten wasn't mauled. And you let me save you. I left my own note to your owners that I saved you, that you were safe, and i knew the AC officer and he wasn't upset I saved you. He said they would have put you down. They fought for your life in the end. They truly loved you too as everyone who knew you did.

Some of your better fur days.

This is making me tear up. I want to cry. The memories of your time with me are glorious. You being gone is still heart wrenching so many years later. It throws me sometimes how strong love is. How much losing someone you love hurts. How people don't understand how you can love a fur kid so much that you refer to yourself as "Mama". You were my baby in every sense of the word. You were my friend also in every sense of the word. I miss you. If it seems I can't get your story down through the missing of you, well, that would be true. I am having trouble just focusing on the details.

I left a note for the owners that I had you. They got it and when they came for the final load of their stuff I had to flag them down to speak with them. They had planned on just leaving you behind so I had them sign you over to me, and you were legally mine. Though you had my heart from the moment I saw you with that little orange kitten and you hadn't eaten it. Cammy, (his kitty sister who turned 6 on july 17) misses you too. She tries to get the other dogs to love her here but none love her like you did and I got ahead of myself again. Way ahead of myself. She was born mos after you became mine.

So those first 2 weeks, since I planned on making you a service dog, Demodectic mange and all, since I was/am a shut in I didn't care. I kept you leashed to me. And I believe that time is what bound us so tightly. After that, you never really left my side. I trained you in freestyle dog dancing which I still have video of. I taught you so much and you were a willing student. Oh so very willing. One memory that makes me giggle every time is I taught you to stay in a "down" position with a treat on the top of each of your paws. And I could leave the room, probably go shopping and come back and you would have those treats right there waiting for me to say go ahead and eat them. Well one time, I came back to find you had ONE treat on one foot and you looked so innocent that I was laughing so hard. You were a character. I guess you wanted a snack so bad you couldn't help yourself.

Another memory that brings back huge smiles is "Grandma's boxes". She was always sending me care packages. And they ALWAYS had stuff for you, and you always got excited when boxes arrived. You knew, you just knew. Well one time there was a blue bear on top and you grabbed it out of the box and started tossing it around. I wasn't sure if that was for you or not so I called Grandma all the while you enjoyed your gift and tentatively asked her if the bear was yours. I didn't want her to be upset you had it if it wasn't yours. Well it was meant for me but Grandma and I decided laughingly that if you loved it so much that it was ok for you to keep it. I kept a piece of that bear to touch and feel closer to you for the longest time. I have misplaced it after being homeless for a year and it breaks my heart.

Another memory is Cammy, your sister, riding around on you. One day she was on the couch and you walked by and she just climbed on and sat down and you acted like she wasn't even there and trotted her around. It was so awesome. Well honey, I could go on and on. I miss you so much. I think about you often. Love, Mama


At 9:50 PM, Blogger Noelle said...

Oh this is just so beautiful. Your love for Trimee is so apparent. You two were/are soul mates. I love how he came to be yours and I love how he stayed by your side. I love that you taught him to dance and that he was so gentle with your kitty. It hurt to read that he died by accident. I have been reading a book about animals and heaven. It's called "Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates." Many pastors will say that animals don't go to heaven because they can't make a decision to have salvation. Well, this book, written by a Baptist minister, refutes all of that, and essentially proves that animals are indeed in heaven. They need do nothing to get there. They just are. I would recommend the book. I normally get very bored with books like this, but I adored it, and still take it out almost every night and read the verses from it.

Thank you for understanding my pain and being there for me. Your story really touched me and let me know that I am not the only one who has lost a beloved animal. It makes me feel not so alone in my suffering. Thank you.

Trimee is running around and dancing in heaven I am sure, and our doggies will meet us there when it is our time.


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