Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving...

Last night I saw my Grandson sitting on the floor near the kitchen while his Mama was prepping for today's big dinner. It was so real. Most of the time my life feels surreal as the moment after went back to that foggy feeling I live my life in. I am THANKFUL today for that glimpse, a glimpse of what life really is. I think I figured a way to cope. I am just going to live for the moment.

Last night when I went to bed I was so stressed, my mind racing, even after a full dose of knock out meds and it took hours to fall asleep. I woke up wet and cold and got up and managed to change to something not soaked in what I can only imagine was sweat from the heating blanket. I was so cold because I can't get the windows covered and the thermostat and I are not close friends, I totally don't understand how it works. I thought about it and decided to look at the clock. 5 am ish. I needed to be up at five to put the bird in. I didn't go back to bed.

I am excited to have my family here today though its very bittersweet. Trevor, my oldest Grandson is not here! His Mama made the most perfect meal. Its amazing how much Motherhood suits her. Her son should be here with us. My "Chatters" should be here with us. There is no good reason why he isn't. He will be 2 yrs old Dec 4, 09. Trevor Lynn Darling, your family loves you and misses you and we fought so hard for you to be with us. One day, hopefully, we get the chance to tell you in person.

Also a big part of our family is in Florida. I miss my Mom's (birth & Dot who took me in when no one would). My sisters, Michelle, Barbra & Vickie. My Nephews, All of them. I hate that we drifted so far apart. I need them. I am Thankful for them, I wish I could hug each of them/you all today and tell you how much you mean to me. I am hoping to be able to post pictures soon. I still have to get the newest on the flash drive and transferred to this computer.

I am very Thankful to all my online friends. Even though I rarely comment, I think of you all often and Pray for you all wonderful people.

I am going to go watch some Roseanne and wait for my family to arrive.

I Hope everyone is having a Great/safe and loved Thanksgiving. xoxo, Kandi Ann

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