Wednesday, September 23, 2009

God had other Plans than I did

Well, if your over here from twitter you already know the good news. I am not going to be homeless.

I wanted so badly to get out of this town. This house was almost literally the death of me. Or more like my "deceased" Landlords lack of wanting to fix the house to keep the cold out, one shouldn't speak ill of the dead so I will just say, his bulb didn't light up all the way anyways and he ended up crushed under a tractor while trying to pull to heavy a load. May he rest in peace.

My new landlord (God willing, I still have to pick one of two houses and do paperwork et) said he will make sure the house is well sealed for the winter. I will have to learn how to care for the heater vs air conditioning for my condition. Too hot= allergic reaction to my own sweat. Too cold and I could freeze due to my "night time paralysis aka sleep paralysis". I have another condition that causes me to have to air my house out daily no matter what season though I am embarrassed by it and not ready to share yet. I trust you all not to hurt me due to it, I am just not ready to share yet. One day maybe. But this condition too has to due with allergies and doesn't help when I am trying to heat/cool my house. So many things to learn.

I hope to be able to keep the gals I hired today. I have always had total love for God and last night I Prayed that he knew that I do trust him and will wait for him to speak to me on what to do and I was sorry for being so scared. I didn't know how to separate not trusting him and being afraid, I realized I couldn't do both so just let go of the fear and everything is falling into place.

One day I hope to be able to teach the people of this town how to really make a difference in their own lives. And get some laws changed as they take babies from Mothers here like crazy and it kills me to see this. The only thing holding me back is my lack of ability to structure my own life. One day at a time, One foot in front of the other is my goal. I will decorate my new home and not worry over having to move the next year. I am tired of moving. I want to stay put for once in my life but I am not going to continue to let my mind cripple me. These two kids, (Ok a married couple with kids of their own :o) M & C gave me some proffessional pictures to hang on my walls once I got here to KS. I never took them out and put them up because I didn't want to have to move them when I moved. I was saving them for my final move. Who knows, Maybe I will be in this next house for years, or mos or whatever but those pictures are getting framed and put up. That is my big goal right now. To start living in the day.

And a great big shout out to all of you who Prayed for me and sent me comments that cheered me up and gave me hope. It is horrible to be so scared and desperate and I Thank God that the horrible feelings of not knowing what is going to happen has passed.

The house I am in now doesn't and wasn't built with bedroom doors. So even though I had the space to have a roommate, no one really wanted to move in (except my kid) without a door. So hopefully I can get a nice roommate also.

From now on this blog will be to post my daily happenings, my progress or lack thereof. xoxo to all, Kandi


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