Learning to enjoy life

Layla Grace would love if you would Pray for her in her last days of life, for gentle passing or great healing. The Lords will in her life. Just since I wrote this there has been a new tweet with great news for Layla and where she is in her journey- https://twitter.com/LaylaGrace

(Please note, this is not new baby Layla that was just recently born that I posted about on my twitter, She is doing well at this time. Prayer is the only reason for this, I know this in my heart.)

Ok. my post. Here it goes. Knowing how bad I am at even realizing I get comments, I am vowing to try harder for myself and want to post more at this time in my life. I am really good at posting when I am upset. I don't feel drawn when I am happy to be online. I felt a change in myself recently and want to be a part of the online community. Such love here. I want to be a part of it. I know with my aspergers that people don't get me like I wish. Though my heart is pure and I will keep on plugging on the journey I feel drawn to. My online journey. Again. Live Journal never felt right to me. I was never able to connect with regular blogs. Now its all about face book, though not for me, it is too overwhelming. I am so behind the times. heh.

Yesterday, I felt my faith was gone. I questioned God and everything I have seen in my life in way of miracles, its been too long, I need more NOW proof. He has always shown himself in my life. I never needed to have blind faith. I am one of the lucky ones that have seen many many miracles, I knew, when I left home barely even a teenager that God was with me as I found the strength to leave the abuse and he would be with me. Some how, through all the abuse I have seen & endured, and all the good too, I just knew God was with me, How dare I expect that I was any better then any one else? I Thanked him daily for being me, for his care of me.

In huge Miracle news, when I was young, I watched my Mom Pray over a goat that had not walked in a year. Others saw this too. That goat got up and walked. I stopped breathing from an allergic reaction, my Mom put her hands on my chest, it felt like electricity, like she hit me sorta and my breathing was restored. And many many answered Prayers, or just thoughts I had of needs or wants and they were so readily provided. So yesterday came as a shock. I needed something to show me he was still holding me up.

I have been walking around for days (I did Pray for Taylor's ears to be healed after talking to my Mom about a lady with Cancer I Prayed for, I wanted to cover her cancer surgery removal spot and Pray over her, but didn't want to scare her (Sylvia Not Tay) and believe God will help her, help them both! so I don't know where this break down came from) feeling forgotten. I have also been glaring at my Service Dog IE: Taylor and snapping at her, mean hurtful comments about her decision to sleep in my bed ONLY when I wasn't in it. That hurt. I didn't understand. So last night, I decided to ask God to MAKE HER STAY WITH ME!!! Yeah I Pray for odd things that don't feel to me like they would matter to any one else. Come to think of it, I asked my Mom to put Taylor on her Prayer chain for her ears and she said she would ask a few people to Pray for her but Most aren't like us and wouldn't understand. HUH???? My service dog is hurting and you don't believe no one would Pray for her? That hurt too.

So, Prayer answered immediately. I Thanked God so much. I felt such a spirit filled heart and room and loved again. I am sorry God for getting all weird. I really am. It was sweet, Taylor snuggled up to me and slammed her head on mine (OUCH) and stayed near me. I made her move off top of my head but she stayed close. I thought she left for a second cause when I reached for her I got a hand full of cat but I said Thanks God for at least letting the cat be there so I wasn't totally alone and the instant I said that I felt my Taylor still next to me, just up more near my pillow. This really is huge to me. Taylor likes to "Den", she has one in my closet where she prefers to be. Or near me on the couch, Her couch. But when she started sleeping in my bed during the day, and me begging her to stay at night and she wouldn't, it just hurt. I know I said that. But Prayer answered. I hope she stays again tonight. I won't Pray for it, but I will hope really hard.

And second, I Prayed for God to touch my landlords heart so he would fix the broken stuff, I left a message on the landlord machine giving him an end date (He went one day over, heh). I can't see living where I am disrespected. So I was literally writing an e-mail at the very moment to see about moving to Cali when I heard him fixing my screen door. I literally (I know what the word means and it really fits here twice.) felt light and loved by God. Like I was spirit filled. I felt like dancing. I really love my house. I know its only a place, but its one I can see staying in if the situation remains correct. So Yay for a really obvious answered Prayer. Thank you God!

posted by Kandi Ann @ 2:55 PM